Happy Halloween!

Halloween in New York is something just entirely different than anywhere else I’ve gone. First of all, kids trick-or-treat at stores which is just bizarre to me, but the only way to do it if you think about it. Some buildings with a lot of children will organize a trick-or-treat and some people will sit on their stoops to give out candy but, for the most part, kids go to stores and delis and bodegas for their candy.

Then there’s the adult Halloween. We have the Village Halloween Parade. Which is, well, just awesome! I’ve gone 3 times and loved it every time. The costumes are out of this world, the floats are amazing, the music is cool. Anyone who can should really go at some point. I always see kids there although some of the costumes are R-rated. I’ve seen some boobies and some buttcheeks, that’s for sure!

The Brady Lion

I have unfortunately become old (really, can 29 be old?) and I haven’t dressed up for 2 straight years. It’s sad. And really this year should be my year. My boobs are still big  and my waist is still tiny from breastfeeding. If I could ever wear a slutty witch/devil/fairytale-princess/ragdoll/etc costume, this would be the time. But this year, instead, I have my little lion to show off and a whole new way to experience Halloween! We went to the Halloween walk last weekend at my in-laws and he had a great time. Tonight we’re going to take him around to all our regular places in our neighborhood in his costume.

I know Brady doesn’t really care yet, but I do!!Plus I hope I’ll get some candy;)

Rain, rain go away!

I’ve never really been a fan of rain, but I didn’t mind it so much until I moved to the city. Here in NYC I think rain is just the worst! Back when I was working it meant getting soaked while dodging umbrellas on the sidewalk all the way to the subway, then getting soaked by some jerk who has to wait until they are all the way under before closing their umbrella as I walked down the steps, then getting dripped on by everyone else’s umbrellas while on the subway, then getting soaked walking to the office, then sitting – you got it – soaked in my office until lunch when I would go out and get soaked again.

I hate rain, but I do love my galoshes!

Now with a baby it is far worse! It either means staying inside all day and following the kid around as he tears things up and then dealing with Mr Cranky all afternoon because he hasn’t gone out all day or braving the rain. If I choose to brave the rain it means I have to use the rain cover for the stroller which is tricky to put on, doesn’t work all that well, and makes the kid angry. Plus I have to juggle anything I’m carrying, plus the umbrella, plus push the stroller. Worst of all I can’t drink my coffee while we walk.

I hate to be such a complainer – but rain just SUCKS! Luckily this morning we had swim class which took up some time and entertained Brady for awhile. He was nice enough to fall asleep as soon as we walked out the door which meant that I could sit at Starbucks and drink my coffee while he slept before class. Very nice.

I’m just hoping this winter isn’t a rainy one. Ugh.

Hi

Yesterday and today I got the same quote on my Starbuck’s cup. (And yes, I need to get a reusable cup so I stop throwing cups away everyday.)

I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you say, “Hi.” They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word.

- Augusten Burroughs

The cup.

I think this is a sign. I’m going to keep this close in my mind from now on. Maybe I’ll make a new friend.

Home

When you’re young “home” is such a concrete concept. At least for me it was. Home was my house on Grandview St with my mom and dad and little sister. It was the chipping red paint, and sitting on the back step, and sleeping cats, and brown and gray carpeting. I never moved back after college, but that concept of home remained the same while I was in school. When I was sick, that was where I longed to be.

In the years since; my father passed away, my mother moved out of the house and into an apartment and into another apartment. I don’t even know what that house looks like today or if anyone is living in it. When I go back to Pittsburgh I stay with my sister in her apartment. It’s like going home, but not. It’s disjointed and hard to keep track of.

I’ve built my own little family in another city and yet that idea of “home” is still somehow scattered. While I like my apartment, it feels temporary, and it’s certainly not the place I want Brady to think of as “home” when he eventually grows up and moves away.

Going pumpkin picking is such a "homey" thing to do!

We took a trip back to Pittsburgh (which isn’t even technically my hometown) this past weekend. It really made me think. The old cliche is really true – home is where the heart is. I feel wonderful and warm seeing my mom and sister play with Brady. But I would really like to get my new concept of “home” in more permanent shape.

Steps

On Saturday morning the most amazing thing happened. I was sitting at the computer in our bedroom and the husband was playing with the boy on the floor. He kept standing him up and telling him to walk to mommy over and over again.

He stood looking very serious and wiggling his feet a bit. He laughed and waved his hands. And then he did it…he took two shuffley, quick, little steps all by himself!!!!! We clapped and clapped for him and he crashed down on his bum and laughed at himself. He was too wound up to try it again just then.

I just HAD to walk over to this cool little fence!

That afternoon we took him to the park planning to go to a different playground for a change. It was an absolutely gorgeous and very warm fall day. All of the playgrounds were jam packed, so instead we opted for practice-walking on the lawn.

We found a nice, even, flat piece of land and tried to replicate that morning’s event. By coaxing him with interesting sticks and leaves we got him to do two steps again and again. Finally we found a really cool looking tree with a little fence around it. We knew he would love it so we headed over there and tried it again. Just a bit away from touching that fence, Mr. Brady took four steps in a row! I had tears in my eyes! He fell down just before he could grab it so we brought him over and he proceeded to circle the tree by holding onto the fence.

We practiced again on Sunday and he did five steps in a row! There have been no steps since. He has decided that crawling is far more efficient and definitely easier. But I’m sure he’ll do it again. My little boy took his first steps!!!!

And how cool is it that we can tell him that he practiced his first steps in Central Park? That’ll be one he can tell his kids.

I am so jealous Part II

And I hate this one more…and I am REALLY, REALLY trying to work on it. I know it’s not good. But I am jealous of my husband.

I am jealous of him for little things like: getting to sit on the subway and read a book, getting to go to the bathroom with the door shut and no one hanging on his knees, getting to eat lunch with other grown-ups and without having to readjust his position every five seconds to keep his sandwich out of the grasp of little hands, getting to take a shower every morning to start the day. I’m jealous that he gets to tell me he has a meeting and that he has to get off the phone or stop chatting. I’m jealous that he sometimes gets to stay out until after Brady’s gone to bed and that he has gone places and stayed overnight since Brady was born. I’m jealous that he still has a career and a career path he’d like to follow. Most of all I’m jealous that he has this whole life which does not include the baby in addition to his life which does.

Leave me alone! I'm sad because my daddy went to work.

And I’m fully aware that there is a flipside to this. It breaks my heart that he only gets to see Brady for 1.5 hours every night before he goes to bed and that once he gets home Brady is physically attached to him for that entire time. I can’t imagine how hard it is for him that I was home the first time Brady sat up on his own and the first time he crawled and that I get to watch him learning more and more to climb at the playground and to be interested in other kids everyday while he has to be at work. And working isn’t fun overall. I know, I complained about it all the time.

I realize that I’m lucky and I am so grateful that I get to be a part of everything in Brady’s life. It’s just such a double-edged sword. I am so happy that I can be home, but at the same time I really miss being a part of something else. Not that I LOVED my job – but I liked it and I felt good at it and I felt needed and (sort of) respected there. Being a mom is so different from that. There is very little sense of accomplishment since I won’t really know if I’ve done a good job for a long time yet.

It is not fair for me to be jealous of my husband for having to get up and go to work everyday. But there it is and I am. I have the sneaking suspicsion that I’m not the only person who feels this way and so I wanted to share it. It’s something that every parent has to deal with and I really and truly believe that there is no perfect answer. Working sucks because you can’t spend time with your kids and staying home is hard. It is – it’s hard. It’s hard to concentrate on baby, baby, baby 24-7. But it’s good too. It’s amazingly good and as I guess all good things do, it takes a lot of work.

What a scare! -or- Why I really hate construction

I have ranted and raved about the abundance of construction in our neighborhood before. But after what happened Sunday I have a totally new anger toward the whole thing.

Does this look safe?

Brady and I walked over and met the husband after his workout at the gym on Sunday and the three of us were going to grab some lunch. On our way over to the bar we walked through the dreaded Georgica Brompton* construction site. Near the end of the scaffolding-covered area there was what looked like a pile of rugs across the entire sidewalk, blocking the way. On the sides were tarps and some crooked-looking caution sawhorses.

I thought that the rug must be covering something solid, like the black plastic speed-bump-type things that they run over wires or gaps in the sidewalk. So I started over with the Bugaboo. Unfortunately it was NOT solid and the front wheels got caught in the bumps in the rug and the stroller began to tip over. In my rush to grab the stroller I also got caught and tripped and fell over. The stroller went right on over on top of Brady. I screamed!

My husband scrambled over and pulled the stroller off the baby as I got up. He was fine – screaming but fine. The bar on the front of the seat and the harness prevented him from actually hitting the ground. He did end up biting his lip which bled a bit. Today he has no mark. I, however, have a giant bump and green bruise which basically covers my left shin. Fun.

A witness called 911 to report it and I called 311. I made a report with the Dept. of Buildings which told me it would take 10 days to investigate. Awesome – the rugs were gone yesterday so it’ll do a ton of good. 911 sent over an ambulance which we told them that we would not be needing. The EMT’s suggested we make a report with the police so they radioed them and we waited. Now for the worst part.

When the police car finally arrived the officers walked over to me and the one who was clearly in charge said, “So, why am I here?” scowling and rolling his eyes. When we told him what happened he was obviously annoyed and told us that he wouldn’t be able to do a thing and I quote, “I mean there’s no report unless someone goes to the hospital. What do you want me to do? When you enter a construction site you’re supposed to know to proceed with caution.” He never even looked at my husband or I.

Um, what?!?!?! Could you PLEASE have a tiny bit of humanity and be at least courteous to the woman who just fell over with her baby? Now I’m fairly sure that it’s illegal to leave debris blocking the entire sidewalk at a construction site making it hazardous for people to pass through. But whatever. We only wanted to make a report so no one else would get hurt. If they couldn’t do something about that, fine. But honestly, couldn’t they at least be nice?

I really wish I had gotten his name and badge number so I could have made a complaint. So, Mr. Officer, to answer your question…you were there because you are a policeman and your job is to respond to calls. I called…you came. Got it?

I just want to make it clear that I have nothing against the NYPD. I know a few officers and all of the other police-people I have ever dealt with from the NYPD have been nothing but wonderful. This is just for you – responding officer on Sunday. Oh and you too Georgica Brompton* – I can’t imagine who’s going to buy your $1 million plus condos with this economy!

*There are so many of them I can’t keep them straight!!!

I am so jealous Part I

And I HATE it. I’m sure no one likes being jealous, but my current mind-state is really bothering me.

How did these chicks meet anyway?

I am jealous of all those stay-at-home parents who have others parents to hang out with during the day. I am terribly, terribly lonely all day with just me and the baby…me and the baby…me and the baby. Everywhere I go I see moms walking together, talking together, their babies crawling across the lawn at the park together. My heart breaks when I see them and I just feel all the more isolated. I feel terrible that Brady’s first birthday is fast approaching and I have yet to make one steady friend to have playdates with. As far as I can tell there will be no other babies in attendance at his party.

I know that one reason is the state of things here in the city. I just don’t have enough money to hang out with other moms. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I think other moms are elitist bitches or anything. It’s just that they all do all the classes together. Unfortunately, I don’t have the extra cash to cough up for for baby-and-me singing classes. Aside from that, it just seems silly to me to spend thousands of dollars to meet people, which, let’s be honest, is the main point of most of these places.

Doesn't this sweet face deserve some little companions?

I really wish there were FREE baby groups around here. I have searched and searched and for the last 11 months come up empty. And I swear I have made an effort. Nearly everyday I talk to other moms on the playground. Our kids touch each other and sometimes crawl after each other and point at each other. But how do you get past – “How old is he…yeah he’s almost 11 months…yup he’s a big boy…yeah he LOVES the slide too…great see ya round.”

I’ve also done a few programs and met a few people. But since I don’t continue to see them at all the other stuff, I sort of drop off the radar. I have high hopes for swimming at the Y this winter. The class is small and it lasts through January. I’ll have lots of time to work my charms on these other mommies.

I’m honestly terrified for the winter when the kid and I will be stuck inside. What in the world will we do for hours on end together in the apartment?

So I remain jealous…and trying…and lonely. I’m not sure what the solution is, but I hope it will become clear to me sooner rather than later.