Does this make me a bad mom?

That some days when I go to work – I’m happy to leave in the morning?

And then some days on the way home from work I just wish that I could change course and go get a cup of tea and read a book or maybe go shopping (even window shopping) all alone?

That some days when I’ve heard “mommy” (imagine it in a long drawn-out whine) for the thousandth time (I swear this isn’t exaggeration) I just want to say “shut up!” and sometimes I actually do say “PLEASE stop saying that!!”?

That the days I stay home with Brady sometimes feel like the longest days in the history of the Earth?

That when Brady wakes up early in the morning I throw on the TV and close my eyes on the couch for a little while?

Of course most days I’m happy to come home from work and most days I spend with Brady are fun and quick and sometimes “mommy” is the sweetest word in the world, it’s just that sometimes…

At least he's cute...

23 Months and 4 Days

That’s the length of the nursing relationship between my baby and I. I always knew I would breastfeed, not a question or doubt in my mind. My mother was an extended bf’er and a La Leche League leader. I was nursed myself and then was around nursing mothers for most of my childhood. Two of my close friends had babies and nursed before I got pregnant and they were an unending source of support for me. I was lucky to have my husband, my mom, my mother-in-law, my friends, everyone around me behind me and supporting me in this.

I first fed Brady when he was about 20 minutes old and he latched on without a hitch and ate up. I can’t even describe the elation I felt when he ate – I was feeding this little human being! I won’t pretend it was easy. I had horrendous plugged ducts (thanks to an evil woman at a lingerie store who convinced me underwire was fine) and at first I felt like I couldn’t go anywhere because Brady might need to eat. There were nights when I felt like I never slept and my boob never left his mouth. There were times when I just wanted my body back.

But I got used to feeding him in public (thanks to my bebe au lait) and soon enough it wasn’t a big deal at all. When I started taking a class I pumped and Brady took a bottle. And the eating  all day didn’t last as long as I thought it would. He started eating solids and dropping feedings. I planned to nurse him for a year and hadn’t really thought about what would happen after that. At 13 months he weaned himself down to just morning and night and then at 15 months he  weaned himself to just night.

And then it stayed that way, and stayed that way, and stayed that way. It didn’t bother me. It was a few minutes of snuggling every night. I didn’t nurse him to sleep. I didn’t need to be there and he went to sleep fine for someone else. Then on our recent trip, he barely nursed at all. My boobs started to feel like real boobs again and I liked it. When we got back, the husband told me to just take this chance. So a few nights after we got back we did our bedtime routine and when it got to be “boobies time” we said “sorry buddy, we don’t do boobies time anymore.” He protested for a minute or two and then laid his head on my chest for a little bit and then asked to go to bed.

He asked for the next few nights and didn’t protest when we said no. Then after about 4 days he stopped asking and hasn’t asked again (of course I wrote this earlier today and tonight he asked, no protest when we said no though). My little baby is really no baby anymore. He is officially weaned and on his way to becoming a little boy. He’ll be 2 whole years old in just two and half weeks. It’s kind of hard to believe.

He’s a healthy, smart, big, amazing little guy and he got that way at least in part because I fed him and kept him alive and healthy. It just baffles me that I was able to grow a whole person in my body and then keep using my body to keep him going. Just incredible.

I *am* pretty amazing...

European Adventure – the highlights

Well, we survived. And of course, just like everyone told me, it wasn’t as bad as I thought and parts of it were really, really good. I’m just giving the highlights here. So much happened in the last 2 weeks it’s a little tough to process it all. So here’s the important stuff.

- Brady was seriously, unbelievably, amazingly well-behaved and angelic on the whole. He was great on both of the long flights – no crying, no trying to escape into the aisles, very little complaining even. He barely slept on either flight and still it wasn’t a bad experience. The tricks were to run him around the airport so that he was exhausted when we boarded, let him watch whatever the heck he wanted on the little tv, and bring cool new toys to interest him when he got fussy. Thank you to all those parents out there who gave us those little gems.

He also adapted to being away from home and 6 hours different really well. He put up with 2 4-hour, 6-course meals in a row that kept him up past 11pm and was really nice about it. He  was amazed by everything we saw – especially all of the forms of transportation which included just about all of them (plane, boat, train, car, incline). I cannot say enough about how wonderful my little boy was on this long, long, very full trip.

Two of my favorite Brady things from the trip were: “I drew that” which he said about everything – graffiti on buildings, signs, posters, store displays – Brady claimed that he drew them all. When we asked him if he really drew them and how he was able to do it all he would say “I draw lots of things.” The other was the Robot Tower, that is Eiffel the Robert Tower. Brady was obsessed with it. We could see it from outside our hotel and he always waved to it and said “Bye Robot Tower, see ya later.” We got him 3 mini Eiffel towers and he carried them everywhere. He still asks me to go see it every morning. Too cute!

I'm a good traveler!

- Spending time with my Italian in-laws is wonderful. My mother-in-law has a great, gracious, and loving family. They are the best – and they can cook!!!! We had a bunch of meals filled with yummy food and good people. It’s amazing what a great conversation you can have, even when everyone doesn’t speak the same language.

I got to meet my cousins!

- I’m happy I didn’t have a destination wedding because it is STRESSFULL!!! It  was a gorgeous wedding on a gorgeous day with a gorgeous bride in a gorgeous dress. Overall a wonderful event. But holy moly all the planning and stress that went into making it. Wow!

- Paris is NOT kid friendly. We managed and actually had a good time, but I feel like Parisians just don’t take their kids out. We rarely saw kids. Brady was less than welcome at almost all of the places we went to eat. Nothing is stroller accessible. It’s just tough with a kid to say the least. I also learned a few things about Parisians – they love smoking, motorcycles, and making out in public places. There was more than I could take of all three. It’s a gorgeous city, but I think it’s much better for couples than for families.

The parks were kid-friendly in Paris

- The coolest thing was that we randomly got to meet up with some friends of ours in Paris! This is a couple that we love spending time with and we hadn’t seen them since we visited them in Bermuda last September. Thanks to facebook for  letting everyone know what everyone is up to! We had a wonderful dinner with them and got all caught up. Best night in Paris by far!

- Being sick in another country ba-lows!!! I got a cold our last day in Italy that kind of knocked me on my ass in Paris. My in-laws were wonderful about taking Brady and letting me relax, but it was rough. It was hard to find medications and when I found some I had to look up all of the ingredients online to find out what I was taking. And since I was still a stuffy mess on the flight home I ended up with a sinus infection which I thankfully got antibiotics for yesterday. Yay for antibiotics! I’m feeling close to human again today.

So all-in-all the trip was good. Nearly all of the things I was worried about did happen, but they weren’t as bad as I had imagined them to be. Brady was forced to stay up way, way later than I wanted him to. He ended up in bed with us a lot. No one got enough sleep. We didn’t get to do much leisurely sight-seeing.  Brady did not sit still during the wedding ceremony. But, he was well-behaved and he timed his naps nicely so that we got to actually do things like go to the Louvre.

Now we’re one of those families who can honestly say “I take my kid everywhere and he’s fine with it.” So yay for us!