The Weaning

Declan is now 20 months old. I’m really not sure how that happened, because I could swear he was just a tiny baby. Suddenly he’s running around asking me “How you doing, Mommy?” and telling me ”I need Brady’s angry bird (or Power Ranger or Ninja Turtle or cracker or basically whatever Brady happens to be holding).” I was doing ok with it, enjoying the big boy he’s becoming, and then the weaning happened.

Last week, one night as he was nursing before bed, Declan claimed that the boobie was “empty.” I’m quite sure it wasn’t actually empty, but there’s probably not much in there. He also likes to tell me things are “empty” when he really means “I don’t want this anymore.” For a few nights after this he happily nursed before bed. But then Monday and Tuesday he just wasn’t having it. He was chatting with me about the books we read, complaining about the empty boobie, and trying to crawl around my bed instead.

So Tuesday night I said, “let’s just snuggle.” And we did. Then I put him in bed and he went to sleep. Just like that. Wednesday after we were done reading, I said “let’s snuggle.” He said he wanted boobie, but I reminded him that they were empty and so we snuggled and he went to bed. Last night he asked once, but I didn’t even have to say no, he snuggled me instead and fell asleep. Tonight the husband put him to sleep with little protest. I think that makes it official. He is off the boob and is a weaned boy.

This is hard for me to accept. I loved nursing my babies. I nursed Brady a bit longer than this – he was just over 23 months when we stopped in pretty much the same way. But this time it’s really over. Barring an act of God, there will be no more babies. I won’t nurse anyone else. My identity as a breastfeeding mom is essentially done. While it will always be a part of me and I will still work toward normalizing breastfeeding and support those around me who need it, it’s weird to think that I won’t actively participate anymore.

I’m so grateful for the experience. It’s been one of the best of my life. I will always be able to think back to those nights of nursing my tiny babes. But it’s scary to have to shift identities again and make that move from mom-of-baby to mom-of-toddler, especially planning not to add anymore babies. Right now I’ve got that in-between feeling. I’m sad to let my little baby go, and that part of me with it, but I’m excited to watch him grow and change and to hopefully grow and change a bit myself.

Ahhh, Kids…

They’re lucky they’re such cute little buggers.

But they are cute.

Just some highlights from my week.

The tire on the Bugaboo blew out and I couldn’t transport Declan and the broken stroller to the bike shop by myself so I had to use the little stroller all week. That’s actually not so bad. But finding the blown-out tire on the way out the door to school on Monday morning was the start this week really needed.

I have had to rescue a naked Declan from the dining room table (and back of the couch, and windowsill) several (many, many) times. Well, he usually has socks on. He has decided that he must be nude, all the time. He takes off his clothes and then his diaper and then calls me “Mommeeeeee, mommmmmeeeeee??? PEEPEE! HA!” He also figured out how to pull out a chair and climb onto it and then onto the table. Fun stuff. Makes things like cooking, or say, peeing, a little difficult when I’m worried about my toddler taking a naked header off the table onto the bare wood floor at any moment. This is how they learn, right?

Last night, and this is my favorite, Brady was angry at me because I wouldn’t let him go – at dinner time – down to his friend’s apartment. So this is his solution:

“Mommy, you know how Grandma’s job is to find kids better families?” (My mother is a county caseworker in adoption.)

“Yes.”

“Well, I’m gonna call her up cause I want her to do that for me!”

I seriously just cracked up. I couldn’t stop laughing. Brady actually started laughing too. We were eating hotdogs and I always write a letter on his hotdog with ketchup. I asked him if he thought his new family would do that and he started to rethink.

So I’m about ready for the weekend, and the alleged snowpocalypse. I just braved the grocery store and it was less than pleasant so I hope the snow comes and we can enjoy the bounty I got.

How’s your week been? 

But I Don’t Wanna

I deal with my fair share of whining. Brady is an expert in the area and uses his ample time at home with me to practice his art. Phrases heard multiple times per day around here include:

“But, Moooooommmmyyyyy.”

“That’s NOT FAIR.”

“But I waaaaaaannnnnt (insert toy/sweets/television show here).”

“But he’s driiiiiiivving me craaaazzzzy.” (In reference to the Declan, of course.)

“Pleeeeeeassssse, pleeeeeeeeeeeease, (and on and on).”

And let’s not forget the ultimate – “You are SO MEAN!”

You can definitely hear me complaining about the whine level at my home on any given day. It is completely intolerable. What I don’t tell people though, is that I am the original whiner. Brady comes by his unsavory habit quite honestly. Not only can I vividly remember whining the very same things at my mother, but I whine to this very day. The usual victim of my griping is the husband, although my mother and sister have definitely heard my moans and groans over the phone enough as well. 

In fact, I whine ABOUT Brady whining. It’s ridiculous. But the thing is , I like whining. Although I know how annoying it is, I still enjoy doing it myself. I’ll catch myself and stop and apologize, but only begrudgingly. Because I liiiiiiike it. 

Perhaps I should remember this the next time Brady is complaining to me and give him a dose of his own medicine. Maybe he’ll think a little more before the next whine comes out of his mouth. But then again, maybe he’s really like me and he enjoys it just too much to stop entirely.

 

Why I Keep My Profile Up

I’ve been hearing a lot lately, both in real life and online, about how evil Facebook is. I hear a lot of “I’m just deleting my whole account.” I know people who have and they are happier for it. I know people who have and they are sadder for it. I know people who like to say they are going to do it and then go and update their status to tell everyone about it.

Personally, I like Facebook. Yes, there are things that are annoying about it. Yes, there are times when I feel like everyone on my FB has a better life than me; that they have better-behaved children, more fulfilling jobs, exciting vacations, gigantic homes. Those are the times I have to remind myself of my blessings and take a break.

But I have had some really beautiful experiences via Facebook. Because of FB I have seen the children of friends I haven’t seen in years and years, grow and change. Because of FB I know that a college friend of mine is moving to our area soon and I may get to see her in real life again. Because of FB I have gotten great advice. Because of FB, I have a wonderful group of mommy-friends whom I have never met face-to-face, but whom I consider an important part of my life.

Most of all, because of Facebook, I got to have a wonderful friend in my life again for a brief period of time. Although we were never all that close, she was a person I really liked. She was great to be around, a person who just exuded warmth. We connected via Facebook and when she became a mom, we started to talk again. She was a big breastfeeding advocate and we had some great discussions. I got to see her little boy grow. And then she died, suddenly and tragically, leaving behind her husband and her young son. I only found out about her death via FB. Because of her FB page, friends of hers from all over the world, got together to remember her life. Because of her FB page, I still get to watch her little boy grow. Because of her FB page, friends of hers from all over the world can still remember her together.

So I think, for me, I can tolerate the ads and the odd friend suggestions and the sometimes feeling inferior to the perfect status updates, to be able to connect with some wonderful people who might otherwise never have been in my life. To me, that is the beauty of social media and that is why I keep my profile up.

Resolution Challenge Day 8

 

Resolution #8: I resolve to spread the love.

Yes, I mean this in a general sense, but mostly I mean this in the blogging world. I don’t do a very good job of sharing the wonderful things that I read on other blogs. My uncle once lectured me on discussed with me the importance of blogs as a means of sharing information. He’s over at Bull Runnings and if you’re interested at all in the civil war, or digital archival, or especially digitally archiving the civil war, you should check him out. It’s actually very cool stuff, even if you aren’t into any of those things.

This year a few other mom bloggers (although I’m beginning to hate that term) have also been wonderfully supportive, read my stuff, commented, shared my site on theirs, oh and are amazing writers that I just can’t get enough of.

To Each Her Own Blog, When Crazy Meets Exhaustion, and Little Miss Wordy are my most favorite blogs of 2012 and I can’t wait to read what they have to say in 2013. These moms have unique insights into parenting, society, and life in general. They have very unique views and they are all worth reading.

The newest blog I’ve been reading is On Becoming. She is also a mom, and she lives in South Africa, and she read and commented on my blog. How cool is that? I’ve enjoyed what she’s had to offer so far, so I hope there’s more to come.

I hope that’s a good start to this resolution. From now on I’m going to try to share a little more, link, re-blog, comment, and spread the love around the web.

Being Stuck in the Airport With a Toddler Sucks

Declan and I were supposed to have flown out of Pittsburgh 10 minutes ago. Right now we are scheduled to takeoff in an hour and a half. We were early so we have been here for 2.5 hours already. This sucks. There is not much to do.
We have done the moving walkway.

More than once.

Looked at the tree.

Played with the ornaments.

Thank goodness they were nice and gave my mom a gate pass!

But the worst part is really that I won’t see Brady until tomorrow morning because he’ll be asleep when I get home. I’ve been away since Friday morning and I miss my other guy. Fingers crossed we’ll be out of here and on our way home soon.

Party Post!

I was sidelined by a seriously nasty sinus infection, so I haven’t been posting. Ugh. But I wanted to put up something about Brady’s birthday party because it was so much fun!

This year we decided to do a smaller party in our apartment after school on Brady’s actual birthday. I never know who to invite so early in the school year and I didn’t want to pay a small fortune to entertain a bunch of kids he may not even like. Plus I really, really wanted to do fun decorations and games and it was easier with a smaller group.

I think the result was pretty awesome. We did a Ninjago themed party. (Those are Lego ninjas. You should check out the cartoon, it’s pretty intense. I swear I got teary-eyed when the green ninja was revealed.) Unfortunately, they don’t sell any Ninjago-themed birthday items. So it was up to me, Pinterest, and Etsy…

We had ninja balloons.

Ninja goody bags.

A ninja banner and red lanterns.

A seriously awesome cake made by a woman in my building. Thank you doorman for the tip!

The kids made ninja headbands.

And pinned the beard on Sensei Wu.

And it was a really great party.

 

Five

Today my son turned five. It’s honestly sort of surreal. It’s been five years and yet I’m still sort of reeling from the profound change that becoming a parent has made in my life. It seems as if every time I gain my bearings, things change and I have to start all over again.

I know that people sometimes get down on parents, especially moms, and most especially stay-at-home moms, saying that what we do is not special. Thousands upon thousands of people give birth every day and a good majority of them go on to raise those children and be parents. But on days like today I can’t help but feel like it is special.

This person used to live inside my body. There was a time when he didn’t exist, a time when he was just a few cells deciding if they wanted to live, a time when his whole body fit inside my belly and I could feel him stretch and move and kick and grow. He was born. He ate and cried and needed me. He grew and he learned to crawl and to talk and to walk and to really communicate. He learned to hold a crayon and to draw and the names of all the colors.

Now he is a person in the world all his own. He has friends and he has people he chooses not to be friends with. He writes stories. He is funny and annoying and intelligent and amazing. He affects other people. People I barely know and sometimes people I have never met. He will continue to change the lives of the people around him for years to come. And it all started when he lived inside me.

So, today, when my tiny baby turned into a real big kid five-year-old, I think it is special that I brought him into the world and that I’m helping to shape the person he is and will become. And it is special that I love him so much and he loves me so much and we are a family.

Hug Them Tighter

Today seems to be one of those “hug your kids a little tighter” days. This horrible, horrible story is stuck on my mind and the minds of all of my friends today, making us both appreciate that our kids are here with us and healthy, but also worry about each second they are out of our sight.

My heart breaks for this mother, both because she has lost two precious babies, and because she had to be the one to discover them. I’m not even sure why I chose to write about it. There is nothing I can do to change it. There is no real cautionary tale. I sort of want to say something about all of the media pointing out the job of the father, their luxury building, the fact that they live on the Upper West Side. Who cares? Does that matter at all. Should they suffer more adversity because they seem to have more money? But honestly, that isn’t really the point either.

I guess I just wanted to remind myself and everyone else to cherish their time with their little ones as much as possible. When the whining seems endless, when you have washed hands that have been playing in the toilet, when your frustration with homework has reached a peak, when you feel like you can’t cook one more meal or wash one more dish or pick up one more toy, when they just won’t go to sleep, use this to bring you back to that place of appreciation and love, at least for today.

Thoughts on Breastfeeding from Luvs

A friend sent me this this morning and I just HAD to share. I love it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgmbJso-2-o

It almost makes me want to go buy some of their diapers. And how have I not seen this on television? Or heard about it? Just awesome.