I was really nervous leading up to our vacation. I was afraid that I would be in this beautiful place that should be a lot of fun and yet just living my everyday life taking care of the baby. Instead it turned out to be exactly the escape that I needed.
I’ve really struggled with becoming a mother. The feelings of loss I’ve experienced weren’t something that I expected. I’ve felt the loss of my career, my routine, my identity, and sometimes I think my self-worth. It’s been so hard for me to build up a new me that includes this new little human being, and yet somehow allows me to still be myself.
While I adore my son to no end and am constantly and utterly amazed by him I had yet to feel that feeling that my life was now fuller than it was before. That feeling that all of my parent-friends had told me would make it all worth it.
While we were away it finally clicked for me – this trip was better than any I had ever taken with my friends or with my husband alone. Not only did I get to experience a new place and do fun things and get some much needed relaxation, I got the satisfaction and awe of seeing my son experience these things too. Seeing him smiling at the feeling of the water, running his fingers through the sand, tearing through the house after the dogs so they would lick his face made me really feel like a mother. And more than that, it made me feel like part of a family…a new family…my family.