And I HATE it. I’m sure no one likes being jealous, but my current mind-state is really bothering me.
I am jealous of all those stay-at-home parents who have others parents to hang out with during the day. I am terribly, terribly lonely all day with just me and the baby…me and the baby…me and the baby. Everywhere I go I see moms walking together, talking together, their babies crawling across the lawn at the park together. My heart breaks when I see them and I just feel all the more isolated. I feel terrible that Brady’s first birthday is fast approaching and I have yet to make one steady friend to have playdates with. As far as I can tell there will be no other babies in attendance at his party.
I know that one reason is the state of things here in the city. I just don’t have enough money to hang out with other moms. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I think other moms are elitist bitches or anything. It’s just that they all do all the classes together. Unfortunately, I don’t have the extra cash to cough up for for baby-and-me singing classes. Aside from that, it just seems silly to me to spend thousands of dollars to meet people, which, let’s be honest, is the main point of most of these places.
I really wish there were FREE baby groups around here. I have searched and searched and for the last 11 months come up empty. And I swear I have made an effort. Nearly everyday I talk to other moms on the playground. Our kids touch each other and sometimes crawl after each other and point at each other. But how do you get past – “How old is he…yeah he’s almost 11 months…yup he’s a big boy…yeah he LOVES the slide too…great see ya round.”
I’ve also done a few programs and met a few people. But since I don’t continue to see them at all the other stuff, I sort of drop off the radar. I have high hopes for swimming at the Y this winter. The class is small and it lasts through January. I’ll have lots of time to work my charms on these other mommies.
I’m honestly terrified for the winter when the kid and I will be stuck inside. What in the world will we do for hours on end together in the apartment?
So I remain jealous…and trying…and lonely. I’m not sure what the solution is, but I hope it will become clear to me sooner rather than later.