Yesterday was the first day of Brady’s life that I did not nurse him. I know this might sound very strange to some people, but it’s what’s good in our family. He’s not weaned yet and we’ll just see what happens with that, but I feel a sense of freedom that I had been longing for since he was born. I also feel a sense of loss.
I went to a writer’s group that a friend of mine’s husband runs with a girl I used to work with. We had been wanting to try the husband putting B to bed without me for a long time. But his bedtime routine works so we’ve also been afraid to mess with it. Currently, I nurse him before bed, although we put him into the crib awake and he goes to sleep there. Consequently, I either try to do whatever I might want to do before he goes to sleep and get home by 8 or I have to do whatever it is after he goes to sleep and not go out until after 9. This means that unless my friends are willing to come to my neightborhood I don’t see them without the baby.
Before last night there were 3 times that Brady has been put to bed without me. Twice by the husband when I was doing the super fun task of seeing my psychiatrist and one of those times he was actually still up when I got home and I put him to bed anway. And one time when the husband and I went to a wedding and Brady cried himself to sleep with my mother and sister.
But last night this ended. I can now go do things – like writers’ group or book club or go to the psychiatrist – and not worry that Brady will be up all night. It’s strange, but it makes me kind of sad that he doesn’t need me to put him to bed anymore. It was something that was wholly my domain and for which I had to take responsibility. Of course, on the plus side, I won’t have to worry so much when the husband and I go to an engagement party in two weeks. It opens up a whole new world to us. The world of seeing people again. Kind of amazing.
Brady is becoming such big boy! Sometimes I think that I’ll blink and he’ll be running out the door to play baseball with his friends. For now, I think I’ll just enjoy this toddler thing and try not to be too sad when he calls for Daddy when he wakes up in the night.