Lately the issue of money has been weighing on me. Maybe it’s the holidays and the issues around money that can bring up. Maybe it’s the fact that we are seriously outgrowing our apartment. But it’s definitely at least partly because of the people around me and the things that they are able to afford.
My feelings on this subject are so complicated that it’s difficult to get them out. I wanted to write about it partly because I thought it might make me feel better and also partly because I think it’s a major issue living in Manhattan. There are people who live here who have SO MUCH and it’s hard sometimes to look around at what other people have without comparing it to the things in my own life.
I’m not saying I’m jealous, although I am a bit. I hate jealousy. I think it’s an ugly feeling and one that rarely brings any good. I hate feeling jealous. I’m not a person who wants a huge house. It makes me happy to think that we have a smaller carbon footprint since we live in a smaller space, use less energy, use mass transit, etc. I also realize that in so many ways we are very fortunate. We never have to worry about having enough food or clean water or access to medical care. We have wonderful family and friends in our lives. We are healthy. There is a lot to be thankful for.
But I also wish that my son had a real room, that my kitchen was big enough to hold a dishwasher and a full-sized fridge and stove. I wish I had enough space to have people over, or even for my own family to eat at a table together on a regular basis. I wish that the stroller wasn’t in the living room and that I didn’t have to get into fights with my in-laws because they buy Brady big trucks and I don’t know where to put them.
It’s sometimes difficult to be around people who can afford the things that I want so badly. Especially when it seems as if they don’t think twice about it.
Yes, New York offers a lot for families. We have endless things to do, educational opportunities, parks, museums, zoos, etc. It’s a different kind of life and one that I’ve learned to really love. I’m happy right now having a family in the city. But it isn’t easy. This is a VERY expensive place to live. A two-bedroom apartment is a dream that even those who would be considered wealthy in other cities often can’t achieve.
Not sure that that went anywhere at all. It’s something that runs circles in my head and now it’s running those circles in cyberspace as well. My kid is a city kid for right now and he’s happy to be one.