Hey Jealousy

And if you’re around my age you now have that song stuck in your head for the rest of the day…HA!

I HATE feeling jealous. I find it unbecoming for starters, it’s just a generally unpleasant way to feel, and it makes me feel down on myself and my life. It’s awful. And yet I find myself feeling jealous on a regular basis. One of my big ones is feeling envious of those moms who seem to be able to come and go as they please. They have jobs and/or nannies and/or babysitters at the ready. I have a job, but no nanny or babysitter and so I feel pulled in a million directions and constantly rushed and utterly exhausted. Not that those other moms don’t feel that way, but their lives seem so much easier than mine and then I start to feel down on my own and jealous of what they have.

But today I am feeling jealous for a specific reason, a blog I follow got freshly pressed. This blogger (who also follows me and is most likely reading this) TOTALLY deserves it. I mean really, she’s witty and honest and clever and original. What’s not to like? She, if anyone, should be freshly pressed. I like her so much I’ll give her a shout out here. Yet, when I read on her blog that this had happened, my immediate reaction was burning jealousy in the pit of my stomach. I don’t want to begrudge her her due, but damn do I want to be in her place.

It begins this spiral of thoughts: my blog will never be popular, no one really likes it, I will never be a writer, I will never fulfill my dreams, my life is at a standstill and I am worthless. See why I hate being jealous? Not only that, but then I start to dislike the person I am jealous of. And I don’t want to dislike these people. I like a lot of moms with nannies/babysitters/free time. I like this blogger. I like people with more money and bigger apartments and cooler clothes.

So I try not to feel jealous. I count my blessings and remind myself that I am lucky. That I should strive for the things I want, but not feel badly that I don’t have them yet.

How could I be jealous when this guy gives me 20 throwing-himself-at-me, arms-around-my-neck, super-duper-squeezy hugs a day?

How could I be jealous with this guy telling me he likes the girl across from him at school because she “gives super big smiles all the time and I actually love it”?

And they love each other too.

So I know I have it good, it’s just hard to remember sometimes.


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