In these days of social media it often seems that everyone and their mother…and brother…and best friend is asking for a donation for their cause. I have heard people complain that it’s getting to be too much. Sometimes, I want to agree. But I don’t think we all need to give to every campaign out there. They are (almost) all important. Cancer needs to be researched. ALS needs some type of treatment. Children living in poverty need some type of system to hold them up. People around the world need access to clean water. I am thankful that through Facebook and Twitter and Snapchat and Instagram and whatever else is out there, thousands upon thousands of people can easily see that there is a friend walking/running/doing yoga/stripping/whatever for the cause of their choice and they can just click a link and add to the resources that will help. Yes, it can lead to guilt when you can’t give to them all, but just remember that someone can.
Back to my cause. Yes, I am joining (again) the lists of people who are doing something for some cause. But let me please just defend mine for a moment before you dismiss it as just another. There is something different about raising money for suicide awareness, prevention, and support. Rarely do you hear of a cancer that people are ashamed to admit that they have. No one is afraid to see their name on the list of donors for research into an incurable disease of the body. But when it comes to suicide, this is not the case. I myself couldn’t find it in me to admit, publicly, to the reason for my father’s death until 10 years after the fact. There are still important people in my life (who obviously don’t read my blog) who do not know and I cannot bring myself to tell them.
Because when you tell people that someone you loved with your whole being killed themselves, there is an automatic judgement. Their impression of them changes. I want my father to always be the person he really was. I want him to be the loving husband he was to my mother, the involved and passionate father he was to my sister and I, the chatty and helpful friend he was to almost everyone he came in contact with. More than that, I don’t want every negative aspect of his personality to be scrutinized. Yes he had a tendency to be grumpy, he was overly cautious, he smoked too much, and he had a serious temper that would flare and wane before you realized what was happening. But he was the man he was, he was not his depression and death.
In so many cases, this change in the picture of the person who is gone is understandable. So many times the depression was hidden. The death was a shock. No one, or only those very close to the person, knew what they were going through that led to this terrible end. And if people knew, and understood, and were supportive, could that end have been different? If they felt they could reach out and share and find that others felt the same way, would that have helped?
This is why I am walking. This is why I am raising money. This is why I share my story over and over again. We need to be able to share this. We need to end these false ideas–that depression is laziness, that only cowards commit suicide, that asking for help is weak. We need to offer treatment, understanding, love, help, to people at risk and to people touched by suicide. We need to show that little bit of light to people who are floundering and can’t see a way out. That’s why I’m on the list of people asking you to give. Because this is a cause that doesn’t see the light. That’s why it’s so aptly called the Out of the Darkness Walk.
I am so, so very grateful to those who have given. Every donation has touched my heart in so many ways. Every comment on my posts makes me feel wonderful. It is SO important to me to reach my goal. It has been a hard road to get here and I want my contribution to be meaningful.